I'm not great at truly listening to the Holy Spirit in my life, but this week was a little different. I felt compelled to write a letter to a friend...as I pulled out the stationary and put ink to paper the words began to flow. It was almost as if they weren't coming from me. I thought of the friend I was writing to and then another name entered my mind and before the letter was done I had about four names floating around in my heart. To bad a letter this personal can't really be sent out to multiple friends. My thought was true in ONE sense...this letter...ink on paper...can't be sent to more than one. Perhaps...just perhaps...you will benefit from this slightly "impersonal" version.
My dear, sweet friend,
I'm overwhelmed with the desire - no - NEED to share with someone who will care and rejoice with me what I learned and have been learning. It is hard...as you know...to praise Him in the storms of life, but I have been overwhelmed with this thought lately...I cannot expect Him to point me in a grand and new direction until I am willing to be "all in" right here where He has put me. I seem to be stuck as with super glue to this spot. A hamster on a wheel with small glimpses of an opening wherein to jump off only to find it a mirage that laughs at me as it passes! Recent conversations with the soon-to-be Dr. have led us to change the way we pray and think. Our church is so stuffed full of professional teachers that noone else (hardly) is afforeded the opportunity to be stretched by God's Spirit and forced to plunge themselves into the Word in order to point others to Him and so...the good Dr. is asked to teach a class. He promptly asks a student to co-teach with him. Our church is in financial straits...barely making budget (us too) but we reevalute our giving and promise to be more consistent and purposeful. Four straight weeks of my tithe check reaching said destination - we must be the change we do desire to see around us.
Sunday morning...James 4...why do we fight and quarrel? I don't fight or quarrel with ANYONE, I'm an adult!! The Holy Spirit speaks..."You are a Prima Dona, you question MY choice for this pulpit, you grumble and don't trust"...OK, I'm listening. Your passions are at war. Passions? Lust? Pride? Maybe...but truly anything that you want more than God!! Owww...so those poor feelings that lead to strife and anger are really just me loving ME and what I want more than God? Hmmmm...my reaction to my children because they have messed with my peace, quiet, my plan for the day...yep, you love YOU more than God. I would never be ok if my hubby came home with a tall cool blonde (or a dumpy brunette, for that matter) on his arm and wished to introduce me to his mistress...YET I step out on God in a surprisingly consistent manner. Verse 5...He yearns jealously over the Spirit that He has made to dwell in us! But He gives more grace!! Glory! Hallelujah!
The bookends for the morning message was the same song. Before the "homily" :) I didn't truly hear what the song was saying. Honestly, I thought it was very good, but after James 4 was unpacked and the glorious Spirit inside me spoke I couldn't believe what I had missed the first time. With heart and hand aloft I heard this:
"...Shine the light on every corner of your life until the pride and lust and lies are in the open. Then read the Word and put to test the things you've heard until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken. 'Cause you can sing all you want to...and still get it wrong; Worship is more than a song!!!"
When Pete got home from work and dinner was packed away and cleaned up I admitted that I didn't know WHO this letter was really for. I KNOW it was for me! I process best when sharpie pen meets paper. The almost-Dr., Mr. Too-Smart-for-Me-to-Understand (most of the time), put his feet up on the couch and read my letter...quietly, thoughtfully, almost reverently. He slowly put it down and I pounced..."Well, who is it for?" His simple reply surprised and delighted me, "I think it was for me....(pause)...and probably for you...and maybe a few others."
So, maybe this is for you...just maybe it will draw you slightly closer to the great God we serve and encourage your heart.
